| Author | Message | ||
| Anonymous |
This is actually a two seperate questions. Please give me your opinion on either one. 1. I've read that it's very important to have a life purpose. So my question is what happens after you achieved your life purpose? Just for the sake of the question lets just say for example, my life purpose to go to walt disney world just once. And at age 25, i got to go walt disney world. Now that i achieve my life purpose. now what? 2. I am a 19 year old college student and i am thinking about changing my scene. Move out and far away from home. Not tell my family my contact information. here are the reasons i want to move out or run away. a)My mom wants me to major in computer science and she said if i major in anything else, she's not going to pay tuition anymore. Recently i just told her i switched major because i found something i'm more passionate about and she thinks i shouldn't change my mind too much. b)I am tired this suburban life. I think a change of location will change me. c) I am sick of argueing with my siblings and my mom. They have very different views than i do. Their view is that science and technolgoy is the most important. life is just this, it can't be any better. life has no meaning and don't bother searching. They're very narrow minded. They're very afraid of the spiritual world. d) I feel my sister is a very negative person and drains my energy a lot. It almost sounds like i'm trying to run away from my problems but i think it's for the better of what i want to do. and help my spiritual path. I will return home once i feel i have done what i set out to achieve... Seems like a lot of famous people in history would of never got where they got if they didn't break away from home or whatever the thing that was holding them down. Or do you guys think this is a problem i have to go through? Any opinions? thanks | ||
| Phoenix |
Hello, Anonymous, (There seem to be a lot of people here named Anonymous!  ) 1. I believe everyone has a life purpose. The hard part, sometimes, is discovering what it is. You may end up trying several things before you discover what it is. (What it is not, is the accomplishment of just one goal, but rather a series of accomplishments.) When you do find it, you will probably also find that 1) it makes you very happy to be doing it, and 2) that in some way you will be helping other people. (For example, someone whose life purpose is being a teacher will love what she/he does, is the happiest of teachers (and a teacher's attitude can make a world of difference to students, which you probably know!), and finds the best methods of teaching so that her/his students enjoy school and learn well. Related or future goals may be that he/she goes on to further his/her own education, to keep up with the newest developments in his/her field.) 2. Moving away from home....it depends on how well you have thought through and prepared. Sometimes people do need some space from a stifling family, but you must also realize what that entails, and be prepared to be completely self-reliant (unless you have a favorite aunt or uncle you are planning to move in with). If you haven't already, here are a few things you might ask yourself: Where will I go? Where will I live? (Rent an apartment? Share a house?) How expensive is it to live there? (food, rent, auto insurance, clothing, utilities - in some very remote or very populated areas, electricity is expensive, in desert areas, water is expensive.) If you have no auto, does this place have public transportation? What will I do? What are the job opportunities? What higher education facilities are available (if you plan on staying in college)? Write or call the areas you are interested in, and get Lots of information. Even if you don't have answers to all your questions, you will be able to develop some sort of plan. And, since plans don't always work out exactly, be flexible, and open to opportunities that do come your way. And, even if you plan to not be in regular contact with your family, please do send them at least a post card once in a while letting them know you are okay. It may not seem like it, but they will miss you, and they will worry about you. Good luck and best wishes, Phoenix | ||
| V.O.S.
|
Anonymous, It is very important indeed to find your life’s purpose. Moving towards the attainment of our life’s purpose will give us a sense of happiness and fulfillment. Once a perceived purpose in life is achieved it will add up to our level of joy and peace of mind, however, we will discover that we will be led to yet another purpose, another calling, another road, a step higher to what we have previously achieved. Life is never stagnant, it calls for activity, a moving forward. Maxwell Maltz M.D. in his book Psycho-Cybernetics, said that “our basic ultimate goals have already been predetermined.” “Man is motivated toward some ultimate goal having an ultimate meaning. Man in his existence on this earth does not know what this is, but when he is not moving in this direction he is unhappy and discontented, in a rut. Only when we move for accomplishments in life and take a step higher each day does we begin to fulfill the purpose inherent in the existence of man.” The realization of our life’s purpose is not a “destination”, it is a life-long journey, a continuing thing. Hope this answers your first question. Regarding your second question, it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with your life. But based on my observation in my own life and that of others, most of the time, avoiding and getting away from a difficulty or problem is not an assurance that life would become better. Most of the time if we run away, we would encounter the same kind of problem but with different set of people, the circumstances could even be harder than what we have left behind. Face whatever circumstances or problems you may have today, if you have to leave home and family life be sure you can stand on your own and be sure it’s for the better. We cannot change other people’s attitude and belief towards life, but we can accept them for what they are, we all are different. The challenge is to live in harmony despite are differences, unity in diversity, I believe this is possible in a family setting. Change yourself, gather enough energy for yourself, strive to be a more positive person so that your sister won’t drain you and you're the one in a position to help create the positive energies for others. | ||
| Asoka
|
Dear Anon, First of all, I think Phoenix has given you some absolutely excellent advice and you would do well to read it several times and ponder it deeply. Anything I say is in complete harmony with what has been said. First of all, I do understand the thing about your own parents wanting you to do one thing, but you want to do something else. When I was sixteen and about to choose my three subjects at school for advanced level, my father told me "You should do the Sciences, because there's always a job in it". He also said "you can always do English etc. later". Actually, my natural talent was at the Arts, especially English. However, I had done equally well in both directions and had the choice. Basically, because I did not have a clue what I wanted to do with my life, and because I did admittedly have some interest in Astronomy, I decided to do what he said... I think it would not be too strong to say that I have regretted it ever since. Science was always a struggle for me, and that began almost immediately after this decision. I did not really enjoy it that much. This is not because it is bad in itself, but because very few know how to teach it in a way to excite people. In the end, I managed to pull off a Ph.D in a subject that I have no major talent in, and that interested me increasingly less as time went by. Anyway, I gave up on my natural abilities and opted for the pragmatic choice, because of parental advice. Yes, there may be a job in it. What they don't tell you is that it may be a job you can't stand to do! That was how it was with me. In the end, I was qualified to do jobs I could not care less about! Parents don't own their children. They often think they do, and they try to live vicariously through them. They sometimes recommend to you what they wish they had done themselves. However, it is also important to realize that they often recommend these things because they sincerely do care for you and want you to do well, and not to fail. The only problem with the latter scenario is that they have already built their own mental ceilings of what is possible, i.e. many have already learned to think small, and they project these limitations onto you. You are younger and hence have a much higher ceiling on what is possible. However, all too often, children end up taking on the ceilings of their parents. In my case, I know that if I had continued with English or whatever, I would almost certainly have ended up at either Oxford or Cambridge University, and after that, the sky is the limit as to what might have been possible. In retrospect, I often feel that I wasted many years getting a Ph.D I never ever used afterwards, and then abruptly changed career direction to a field (Investment Banking) that did not require these qualifications. Usually, I try not to think of it all in those terms, but to think of the future, but since you are at this juncture point, I thought it might be useful for you to know this. It is important that you do "follow your bliss", as Joseph Campbell says, or you will have a lifetime to repent of it at your leisure. This does not mean to say that once you have commenced down a road you cannot change. It just takes longer, and you have a harder time competing with those who have specialized at your desired profession for longer. Unlike what my father said, you can't "always do it later", because certain mental channels shut down within you after a while through sheer disuse. Be aware that your mother may be suggesting Science because she cares about your future, and wants the best for you. At the same time, be aware that your life is YOURS and YOU are responsible for the choices you make NOW. There is no point in me reproaching my father for the advice he gave at the time. There will be no point in you harping on to your mother in years to come. The time is NOW. If you read my article about "Breaking Free Of The Job You Hate", you will notice I suggested that one cause for so many unhappy workers is because we tend to simply slide into a job, through lack of clear decision early on in our lives as to what we wanted to do with ourselves. You do a subject you don't care about. You become qualified for jobs you don't care about. You do them for a while. Then.. voila! You hate your job and you don't know why! Having said all this, I think it would be wonderful if you could keep your parents on your side if at all possible. Heed what Phoenix said above. It is tough out there. You always need to be able to come back if you have to. There are many people who leave home and end up sleeping rough in a cardboard box under a concrete railway bridge. Many of them would love to come home, but they feel their parents would not want them back. Don't put yourself in this situation. See if it is at all possible to work this out with your mother. By the sound of it, it may not be. But don't give up on it. If you have to move away, it may be better to tell them you are doing so, and where you will be. Honestly, you do not want to leave them distraught and worrying about you for months and years to come. Think about it. Does anybody really deserve that? If you had a son or daughter, would you like it if he/she did that, and you had no idea whether he/she was alive or dead? By the way, with regards to the possibility of ending up dead, it's a real one these days. Don't discount it! Now, to answer your question about life purpose. If you really did achieve it, you would set a bigger and grander one. However, a Life Purpose is a pretty big one to begin with. It wouldn't be something you would pull off in six months. Otherwise, it wouldn't really be a life purpose. It would be a six month goal. In many ways, I sympathize with your predicament. In England, at the time I did my university studies, it was free. Nobody had to pay for any of it. Hence, you could choose English or Physics with impunity. You did not have to rely on your parents for your education. Things have changed now and have gone the American way, with student loans etc. One option is to work your way though college, or to go the student loan route. Another possibility is to go to university late, spend a couple of years working and making the money you need to pay for the fees. Then, you would be independent of what your mother wants you to do. Overall, I guess my message is that it is absolutely crucial you go with your heart. But don't lose your family in the process. Keep them around, even if it is at arms distance. Regards, Asoka | ||
| Anonymous |
Thanks for all the sound advice. I think i'm more clear on the life purpose question now. about V.O.S's reply. I have tried working it out and talk to them and i have made big improvements. In January 2002 my spiritual journey began. I started looking meditating, listening to holosync cds, got into buddhism, daoism, etc... I really see things from a different and many views now. i am much more content with life. it's been amazing. When i talk to my siblings, i'm always calm and never raise my voice. But being the youngest in the family, they automatically assume they know more than me because they been there. But their arrogance and narrow mindedness is limiting them i believe. So i tried to offer them different view points and questioning. I would say "you're right but what if there's a better way?" I totally agree with asoka about the career thing. 3 years ago, the internet and computers were hot. I started surfing the net and learning HTML. I thought hey this is fun, i seem to be good at it and this is where the big money is. That's why i went into computer sciense major. I grew up in a family that's all about science and technology. I never TRIED anything else. But now that i'm learning more about my TRUESELF, i am discovering my passions and other interests. I do not want to be stuck in a job that i hate. I am still young, i want to make the right choices now. I understand that other stuff that i'm interested isn't neccessarily going to be easier or more fun. But i'd rather do something that's hard and i love than something that's pointless to me. I understand that my mom is thinking of my future and caring for me. She thinks I wont get a job with other majors or if i do then i wont get paid as much. To her it's all about money and pride. She feels really good if she could tell people that her son got a PH.D in computer science. To me that's just arrogance. Now that i think about it, i want to move out more than just the family issue. I can deal with the family thing but to them i have to prove it with tangible material possessions(a degree, 4.0 GPA, 6 figure income) and so i believe if i move out and really try then i can do it. Secondly, I once read a story that to change the word, one must change himself first, then his family, town, city, state, country etc... and so i'm going to change myself first. but more importantly because i want a more adventureous life and freedom. Before i chose my college. I got accepted into university of Washington in Seatle. I was about to sign the paper and go to that college but my sister convinced me to just go to a local college. I live in the east coast and seatle is all the way across the country. I really really wanted to go but i didn't... So i guess it's more about that freedom, on my own life deal and i really want to go to the west coast like california. I know it's not going to be easy and harder than i think. It's like a caged bird that's well fed, nurtured, loved and all. But i think that bird perfers to be set free and fly in the sky. Yea i'll keep in touch with my family even though my mom's not going to be happy that i'm moving out. I think i know the answer to my own questions now. All i have to do is really look deep inside me, consider it from different angles and the answer will come. I'm going to follow my heart and pursue my dreams. |