2/20/2006

Because You Asked (1)

These are my answers to questions sent in by Aspire To Wisdom subscribers. I hope you benefit from them too.

There is something that has been bothering me for quite some time now and that is the role of self-sacrifice and spirituality. Is it more spiritual to do something for the sake of others happiness even if it forsakes our own? Is it selfish to want something for yourself? Should our lives be about giving and not expecting anything in return? Shouldn’t it be fulfilling enough to see the people we love and care about happy? It’s an issue of selfishness versus selflessness. Please shed some light on this issue. Debby Spencer

I think it depends where you are on the spiritual path in terms of advancement. A Buddha or a Christ probably would act from total selflessness, just as you describe. However, that arises from a fundamental realization that there is NO SELF to begin with.

From a cosmic consciousness perspective, one who is perfectly in tune with the wealth of the universe, and whose consciousness transcends material realms has no problem doing exactly what you describe. Their reward is in heaven, so to speak.

As for the rest of us, well that is really another matter. If you are talking, as I assume you are, about living in the material world, maintaining the consciousness of the ego self, and working from a spiritual perspective from there, then the answer is somewhat different.

Although it is only my opinion, it seems to me that you are describing the process of becoming a spiritual punchbag, so to speak. Although you may begin this in a well-intentioned manner, it might be very hard to maintain. This is not so much a matter of “slaying the ego” so much as repressing it.

The danger is that in trying to be always the “spiritual nice guy”, you may end up gradually becoming more and more dissatisfied at the reactions of others. You see, they probably WILL take advantage, over and over again, without so much as a “Thank You”. That, sadly, is human nature.

Are you prepared to deal with that? Are you prepared to become known as the person from whom favors can be asked, over and over again, without the need for as much as a “Thank You”?

If you are an advanced spiritual being, then maybe you can stand it and even thrive on it. However, this is not the way for the majority of people.

I think there is a self-esteem issue here too. Sure, you want others to be happy and abundant. But you too need to be happy and abundant as well. It should not be an either/or. In fact, I am not sure how any other decent person CAN feel truly happy and at peace, knowing that you sacrificed your own happiness and peace for them to feel that way. It doesn’t make sense to me.

There is an element in this of the traditional view of spirituality; that it involves sacrifice, poverty, sackcloth and ashes. Nothing could be further from the truth. You cannot give someone what you do not already have yourself. You cannot give someone from the store of Love and Wealth and have it diminished for yourself. A true spiritual view sees the store as infinite. You cannot drain it, or diminish it. The more you reflect that spiritual perfection in yourself, the more you can give of it to others. The more you think that there is a lack (i.e. that you should suffer so that someone else should benefit), the less able are you to help others, because you are working from a dysfunctional view of spirituality, happiness and abundance.

Hope that helps.

My name is Talmaci Cristina Beatrice. I want to ask you how can I get in touch with my inner self. I’ve read something about that …but I didn’t understand very well how can I do that. Thanks for answering my question.

Well, I’ll give you a very short answer to that one. I wrote an entire course on this subject. It’s called The 7 Golden Secrets To Knowing Your Higher Self.

In brief, I would say seek inner guidance by awakening to your inner realms. You can use journaling, meditation, dream analysis, putting questions to your Higher Self and awaiting the answer, and more. But my course really tells you all you need to know.

I have a question for you. How do you conquer fear, when you think things are going just a little too smoothly? The reason I ask this is because whenever I really wanted something in my life, it seemed that it was such a struggle to achieve. This time everything seems to be headed in my direction, and my dream of opening a business is about to become a reality. Now all of a sudden I’m feeling scared and unsure of what the future holds, because it seems to good to be true. Do you have any suggestions as to how to cope with this feeling? Thanks for listening.

Bev Onyschak

This sounds a lot like your subconscious conditioning getting ruffled when things don’t happen in the manner it is accustomed to. You know, sometimes we can be our own worst enemies.

Inside of us, we have a sort of psychological thermostat that measures our comfort level. Initially, it gets set by a variety of factors; parental upbringing and expectations, society, our own expectations of ourselves. Once the level of that thermostat gets set, it can be pretty hard to shift.

The conscious mind can will one thing and desperately want it. However, the subconscious thermostat is set at a much lower level. Hence, we tend to shift to what our subconscious is comfortable with. Any major deviation from that comfort zone will cause the subconscious to act in order to restore equilibrium. This is one reason why most lottery winners end up broke in the end.

If I were you, I would focus on what you want, and do not focus on what you don’t want. In other words, rather than dwelling on the fear, and thereby causing that to grow, get a vision of what you want. Make it even bigger and better than what you expect to get so easily now. That way, your mind will be too busy working on getting you what you want to start worrying about “bringing you back into line” and giving you what you don’t really want at all, but are perfectly comfortable with.

Also, work to increase the level of that internal thermostat. This means analyzing yourself a bit, and working on a subconscious level, maybe with hypnosis and/or affirmations. You can look back into your past and your life experiences to try to understand better your expectations, and the level that your thermostat has been set at. Ultimately, though you have to work at this subconscious level, and that takes time and effort. The work of a lifetime cannot be undone in a moment (despite what some of the “famous gurus” are claiming).

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Comments on Because You Asked (1) »

2/21/2006

Yasminder @ 5:54 am

Hi Asoka,

What can I say?! Another beautiful and inspiring article. It is the little things in life that are so important yet we tend to take them for granted or completely miss them out. I enjoyed it thoroughly and can’t thank you enough for sharing your wisdom with all of us. Looking forward to more!
Warm regards,Yasminder.

LarvaMaster @ 7:47 am

Amazing. Asoka, I agree 100%
Beauty & Grace Shine from within.
Self-Sacrifice creates LACK,

The more power you have the more you can do for yourself and others.

Since there is no self, and only a single conciousness (”GOD”), creating suffering for yourself is the same (OR WORSE) than harming someone else.

2/22/2006

Bev @ 3:38 pm

Thank-you so much for your advice, Asoka. I read it over a few times and really thought about it. It’s so true that what we focus on grows bigger, and that is exactly what has been happening to me. I am now going to focus on what I want, instead of fearing what is going to “happen”. I know first hand that sometimes we can be our own worst enemies, and the “internal thermostat” that you talked about is something that I really have to increase. It’s important to be aware of the fact that we all have memories in our subconscious that can be very self-sabotaging….causing one to be fearful or unconfident. Since it is my subconscious that I need to work on, I will start using self-hypnosis and affirmations more often. After all, my store is all about the “mind, body and spirit”, so I better start working on myself! Thanks again for the excellent advice, Asoka.

Bev

2/23/2006

Phoenix @ 11:58 am

Concerning self-sacrifice…..

Remember, the word sacrifice means “to make sacred.” Self-sacrifice means to make the self sacred. To make the self sacred, you must (in my opinion) have self-respect. How could you consider anything, including the Self, to be sacred without first respecting it?

If you respect something, including the Self, you don’t take advantage of it, you don’t turn it into a punching bag or allow it to be taken advantage of or turned into a punching bag by others. That would be totally disrespecting the Self. (Not to mention probably enabling the others.) There is nothing sacred in that.

Sacrifice has become synonymous with suffering which is a terrible twist of the true meaning. The true meaning is a much higher calling from the desire of the Self to reach higher spiritually, and has nothing to do with giving until there is nothing left. In fact, self-sacrifice should make you strong, never weak; happy, never depressed; fulfilled, never dissatisfied. If the negative aspects arise, then probably respect has been lost. Get back the self-respect before continuing with the self-sacrifice.

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