The other day, I was doing some research on the internet in an
effort to promote my website and new book. As I did so, I was
momentarily overwhelmed by the sheer number of similar websites
out there, many of them excellent, and offering an immense
variety of products and services. I caught myself feeling a bit
discouraged, and thinking what a long way it was to the top of
this particular mountain.
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This feeling lasted only for a little while. I soon recalled all
the testimonials that my ezine, course and book readers have sent
me, telling me how much my work has encouraged and benefited
them. I realized that it is not the quantity of people helped
that matters so much, but rather the quality of that help to any
individual person.
Yet, that temporary feeling of discouragement led me to think
about how often people can short-circuit themselves through
looking at the competition, rather than keeping their eyes on the
prize. If you habitually focus on the difficulties inherent in
any goal, then you set yourself up for discouragement and
failure.
Many people never commence with their dream project because they
look at how much competition there already is out there, and they
become discouraged. After all, look at what a head start these
others have, how advanced they are, and so on.
Yet, the people who become excellent at their chosen profession
are usually heavily self-referential. In other words, their
standard for how well they are doing is set by themselves to
begin with, and they are the ones who constantly measure their
progress against this pre-defined standard. They either stand or
fall according to whether they have lived up to their own high
standards. They are not constantly looking around to see what
others think of them.
Keeping your eyes on the competition can be a
confidence-destroying exercise. Imagine if the young Tiger Woods
had spent his time as a child thinking about how many golfers
there were out there, how excellent many of the were (and still
are), and how tought the road to the top would be in such an
arena of fierce competition. Well, he never would have started,
would he? If Muhammed Ali had started saying "Well, I'm NOT the
Greatest. There are plenty of others better, so perhaps I
shouldn't try so hard", would he have got anywhere at all?
You should not expect too much of yourself at the start of any
major new endeavor. Treat yourself gently, whilst at the same
time setting yourself high long-term objectives. This means that
whilst you may, for example, set yourself the goal of becoming a
published author, you should not expect your initial efforts to
be anything like excellent. That should not discourage you from
making those efforts, and continuing to make them day in and day
out, however bad they may initially be. In order to do something
excellently, you must be willing to do it badly at first.
It also helps to remember that talent alone does not go all the
way. Many of the highest achievers in every field of endeavor
were not actually the most talented. At least one gold medal
Olympic athlete is on record as saying that back at high school,
there were others athletes with far more talent than himself. The
only difference is that he kept at it, and they did not. It is a
lesson worth remembering when you face your own personal goals.
In a very real sense, you are only ever competing against
yourself. As you develop to be absolutely excellent, you
naturally surpass the competition and reach ever higher towards
the peak, where few dare venture. Lack of talent will not stop
you. It's only your own lack of self-belief and persistence that
will.
When you look at competition, you are perceiving others to be
better than yourself. This may or may not be true. Appearance are
subjective. Moreover, even if it is true, it is not a static
situation. You can change it any time you wish. Hence, other
people in the field should only ever be used as a measure of your
progress, and not as a source of frustration and discouragement.
In conclusion, try not to be discouraged by the forces waged
against you. Your contribution is always valuable, even if you
never achieve pre-eminence in the field of your choice. It is a
misuse of your energy to look at the sheer volume of people in
your chosen area, and ask yourself what good you would be, or why
anybody would need or want your contribution. If that sort of
thinking were applied to bread, nobody would ever open a new
bakery again! Remember that next time you feel overwhelmed by the
competition.
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So much of what we do is governed by the opinions of others, or out of concern for what others might think. However, there is something much more pervasive going on. There is a process operating in the lives of all human beings called "social proofing" which basically means that we derive most of our social values, morals, imperatives and taboos from those around us. In a more universal sense, this is known as Entrainment.
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Entrainment occurs in a wide range of physical and biological systems. For example, if you place a number of pendulum clocks in the same room and set their pendulums moving completely out of synchrony, after a reasonable period of time, you can return to find all the pendulums moving in perfect synchrony to each other. It is well known that large groups of women who live in closed communities, e.g. nuns or female convicts, will tend to have precisely the same menstrual cycle. If you have ever watched those wildlife films on TV, you may remember seeing an entire shoal of fish, consisting of thousands of individuals, moving and turning as a single entity. The same happens with certain species of birds in flight. Yet, there is no known way that the individuals in such groups can communicate such global messages in such a way as to affect the whole group simultaneously.
Not surprisingly, similar processes occur in human society, but often in areas where we believe we have conscious control. Think about it for a moment. How many of your social values, morals, and opinions did you consciously sit down and decide upon? If you are honest with yourself, you will have to admit that very few were a result of your own deliberate decisions. Most of it arises from "social proofing"; the beliefs and values of our friends, relations and work colleagues. In other words, many of the beliefs and values you cherish and might even die for had nothing to do with your own deliberate rational thought! You simply picked them up from elsewhere, literally without thinking!
Yet, it is so vital to take conscious control of these processes. To fail to do so is to behave like a robot, to live life half-asleep, and to seriously under-achieve compared to all you might be capable of. Here are just a few common examples of social proofing that many of us buy into without much thought.
(1) Marriage. Roughly half of all marriages end in divorce, often bitter and acrimonious, with severe financial/emotional consequences for one of both parties and any children that may have resulted. Of those that last the course, a large percentage are drab affairs in which the partners hardly seem alive at all. Yet we see in excess of 70-80% of the population cheerfully tying the knot to people that half of them end up despising within a few short years! Why? First, because of the expectations of society and of parents. Despite many changes, single people are still regarded as rather abnormal and deficient; and nobody wants to be thought of like that.
Second, in order to bring up children. But is this really the only way? Are there really no alternatives? Ah, but then we would get into even more social proofing; the social/religious "immorality" of children born out of wedlock……
(2) Religion. Whether you believe that God is indivisibly ONE, or three personalities within the ONE, or a huge number of separate personalities, or even if you don't believe in God at all – much of it is a result of social proofing. Your beliefs of the intrinsic nature of God and the universe can literally depend on the accident of which country you
happened to be born in.
Can you imagine the social consequences of a Moslem in Yemen or Saudi Arabia converting to Hinduism?! When Christians glibly assert the Triune nature of God, they have no idea how much blood was shed in the early Church for decades on just this subject alone. Bishops and their entire congregations were literally murdered by rival "Christians" owing to differences in opinion so infinitesimal that it defies belief today that it could have caused so much death and misery. Yet today, Christians the world over buy into the Triune nature of God as part of the package without ever exercising the kind of independent thought that the early church has to at least be given some credit for. Social Proofing again. So even our philosophy of the metaphysical is often determined by others.
(3) Politics. Whilst it is easy to be socially or financially entrained into voting for the same political party again and again, how many of us fail to see the wood for the trees when we don't even once ask ourselves whether Democracy itself is a valid political system to begin with? Why do we simply accept it as the best or only system possible? Because the politicians and the media tell us it is! And nobody around us ever questions it either. In the age of global telecommunication, international commerce, and the internet, why do we still buy into the concept of Nation States – an outdated concept that originated with primitive tribes and chieftains countless millennia ago?
(4) Education/Career. Do you think education is a good thing or a bad thing? Do you believe that the smartest and best educated always end up the wealthiest, the most successful, or the most happy? Did you decide to go (or to not go) to university because you sat and deliberated over the pros and cons, or because everyone around you were either planning to go (or not go) themselves? If your father is a multi-millionaire, do you feel comfortable starting your own shoe repair business?
The list is endless. We could go on and on. Social Proofing is so
pervasive and subtle that we are close to having to admit that very few of our opinions are actually our own. Yet, we make major decisions in all aspects of our lives based upon ideas, attitudes, opinions and beliefs that we imbibed from society without a second thought! No wonder so many people's lives are unhappy or confused.
So what should we do? Get conscious! We need to question our most
comfortable beliefs and opinions in all areas. For the truth is that whatever we believe, for good or ill, becomes our reality. We must take control of our thoughts and opinions or we will be in danger of remaining a comfortable conformist cog in an ever dysfunctional society, always looking to others to know how we should think, behave and act.
So learn to live outside the known and the norm. Take chances. Embrace the unfamiliar and the unorthodox. Try to examine your own cherished views and see whether they arise from your own rational thought processes or were imbibed from the social culture around you. Examine the situations and relationships that you now find yourself in. One good exercise to break the chains of conventional thinking is to ask yourself, "Knowing what I now know, if I had to do it again, would I do it?" This can apply to a relationship, work situation, anything. Asking this one question can set you free from a lot of unconsciously accepted bondage.
Whilst social proofing will always be with us, because it is almost impossible to view ourselves totally objectively, we can certainly learn to take conscious control and minimize its damaging effects. So take control of your thought processes and literally question everything you have grown up so comfortable with. By doing so, you can begin the process of giving yourself more choices and unshackling yourself from chains of bondage and conformity that you didn't even realize you were wearing.
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Spiritually oriented people, and even many secular people too, feel that the pursuit of financial wealth is a negative thing; a heart-hardening cynical process that distracts you from following the true calling of the spirit. Not only is this incorrect, but the exact opposite can actually be true. Once you understand the processes by which wealth is created, and the benefits it can provide to many people, it is possible to pursue wealth creation in a way that is entirely wholesome; benefiting you and others simultaneously.
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First of all, you should realize that there is no intrinsic merit in being poor. As Abraham Lincoln once said:
"You can't help the poor by becoming one of them!"
Indeed, the equating of poverty with spirituality is a common mistake. If poverty itself was sufficient, then a homeless person would be a saint! It is neither wealth nor poverty that relate directly to spiritual potential, but rather the degree of mental attachment present. This is why Jesus said it was harder for a rich man to get to heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle. It is a matter of what you put your attention on; what matters MOST to you; what you obsess about.
Why is it better to be rich than poor? One simple reason is that it frees you from focusing continually upon survival needs. Your mind is enabled to pursue higher things than merely how to feed yourself or keep a roof over your head! It's better to just "get it handled", and then move on to concern yourself with more important issues.
It is the nature of life to expand itself and do the best it can. This is true of trees growing up to the light, cheetahs running as fast as they can, and it should be true of human beings to become the best they can be in every conceivable area. So why earn far less than you are truly capable of? Who does this really satisfy?
If nothing else, being wealthy gives you far more options for your own life AND far more capability to help other needy people. Certainly, there are many ways to help other people that do not involve money or material things. However, if you do wish or need to help others in this way, how can you do so if you have no money yourself? Andrew Carnegie is remembered for giving away the hundreds of millions of dollars he made in his career.
Billionaire George Soros is currently doing the same thing. The point is that your capacity to help others, even your favored spiritual causes, increases if you have spare cash.
At the very least, you will have the money needed to help your own family! When your parents are old, and in need of expensive health care, would you not wish to be in a position to provide it? Shame on you, if you have worked all your life and are unable to do even that!
The truth is that money is nothing more than a flow of creative energy from one person to another. You exchange your creative
energy for mine, and the medium used is money. The universe is a place of abundance, and it is certainly not the will of the creator of this abundance that YOU should remain poor! Moreover, the healthy pursuit of financial wealth has many positive merits. Jim Rohn, one of America's leading motivation trainers, tells how his mentor, a multi-millionaire, once advised him to work hard to become a millionaire too; NOT for the money, but rather for the kind of person it would make of
him to achieve it.
This advice reflects a crucial point. The best way to become financially wealthy – in fact, the ONLY real way – is to give other people far more value than you ever receive from them. One famous marketer calls it "giving dollars for dimes". In other words, you have to give the customer far more value than that customer gives to you in terms of money. In its most positive sense, wealth creation is about improving the lives of other people so much that you cannot help but become wealthy in return.
That is the ethical way to extract the dollars from their pockets; in fact, they will queue up to give them to you! It's obvious if you think about it. Would you EVER part with money for something that you perceive to be worth LESS than the money itself? No. Even if you buy a spiritual book, you perceive the value that you will receive to be worth far more than the money you parted with. Therefore, the key to becoming wealthy is actually to find a way to give people something they really want, and offer far more value than you receive back in cash.
Jay Abraham, at $5,000 PER HOUR, is America's highest paid business consultant. What does this man, who has worked with over 10,000 businesses of all sizes in his career, say about this matter? He advises businesses to be far less concerned with their own self-serving profit motivations, and instead become totally obsessed with their customers! Find out what the customers' greatest needs and aspirations are, what keeps him/her awake at night, how they can be best helped by the products they are providing, how to give the customer even more value than they have already, and so on. By literally falling in love with the customer, you cannot fail to become wealthy yourself.
In fact, the greatest exponents of this art become wealthy beyond most people's wildest dreams. Yet, curiously enough, they often remain uninterested in money itself. Sam Walton, the founder of Walmart is a classic example. Right up to the day he died, he drove an old pick-up truck, and stayed in the same middle-class neighbourhood he had always lived in. Yet, as a multi-billionaire, he was one of the wealthiest men in America! He simply followed the rule, and learned more about the retail store business than anyone else, and was obsessed with providing what his customers wanted and needed the most. The giant Walmart began with one tiny little store, and a very ordinary man – certainly no genius in the educational sense – who did one thing brilliantly. He cared more about the customers than he did about his own needs.
The lesson is that you do not necessarily have to be money-mad to become incredibly wealthy. Often, the opposite is true. Caring about other people more than about yourself is often THE way! The reason most people do not achieve wealth is simply because they do not believe they are capable of it, or because they have negative psychological issues about money; e.g. they believe they would have to become twisted people in order to be rich. Others are too busy being trapped in wage slavery to ever raise their heads, and form a clear determined wealth creation strategy. As Joe Karbo said,
"Most people are too busy earning a living to make any money."
So, begin to think about this issue. More importantly, change your thinking from negative to positive. If you have a dream about getting into business for yourself, start to give it more thought. Research ways that you can do something your really love and believe in, and offer it to others as a product or service. The key is really to get started and persist in learning all you need to learn until you finally succeed. Becoming financially wealthy is definitely possible for you, but it begins with changing your mindset about what wealth and money really mean to you. Do it, not only for yourself, but for all the people you can benefit through your abundance.
Copyright 2001, Asoka Selvarajah. All Rights Reserved.
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