by Chuck Gallozzi
Patience is the ability to wait for the fruition of our
goals. Or, as the ancient philosopher Epictetus is reported to have said
nearly 2,000 years ago, "Nothing great is created suddenly, any more
than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig. I
answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit,
then ripen." It takes time to do worthwhile things, so those who lack
the patience to persist will fail to accomplish much. Do we want to develop
as much of our potential as possible? If so, we'll have to learn how to be
patient.
Being patient doesn't mean sitting around waiting for things to happen.
Instead, it means to work as hard and as long as necessary, without giving
up, until we reach our destination. The ancient Egyptians didn't sit around
waiting. They made plans, preparations, and worked on their project until
the pyramids were completed. The pyramids, then, are monuments to patience.
They are a reminder that if we persist in our personal projects while
enduring the necessary wait, we will finally succeed. After getting their
fill of mulberry leaves, silkworms make silk cocoons, which the Chinese and
Japanese used to weave silk gowns and kimonos. That explains the Chinese
proverb, "With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk
gown." Clearly, patience is power.
Patience is not only about enduring a long wait, it is also about enduring
insults, provocation, and mistreatment without resentment, anger, or
bitterness. Why put up with abuse? Because patience is also an expression of
compassion. Because we are compassionate, we tolerate the faults of others.
Because we are strong and they are weak, we accept their abuse with a smile
and wish them well.
Buddhists commonly refer to patience as armour that protects the
compassionate person from the barbs and verbal attacks of others.
Interestingly, Leonardo Da Vinci had a similar idea, for he wrote,
"Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as
clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold
increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must
grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will be powerless
to vex your mind."
Almost all violence stems from anger, and patience often has the power to
neutralize it. So, patience is a tool of the peacemaker. To eliminate
possible misunderstanding, let me give one example of patiently accepting
abuse and then contrast it with an example in which impatience is warranted.
In the first example, let's say my supervisor at work always treats me
condescendingly. Regardless how hard I work, he treats me without respect.
Yet, I patiently bear his abuse. Why? Because I recognize he is a fellow
human being. A human being with pain. Perhaps he feels threatened by my
performance. Perhaps the source of his cruel remarks is fear. In other
words, his abuse exposes him as the weakling he is. Instead of kicking a
weak person by fighting back, shouldn't I be compassionate? After all, if I
bear my abuser's cruelty with a smile, he may eventually learn that I am not
a threat. If so, instead of upsetting him, I would have uplifted him. And by
doing so, I would have made the world a better place.
However, at times, impatience is called for. For example, we must not
tolerate child abuse or wife beating. Also, anything greater than zero
tolerance of violence must not be permitted in our schools. Although abusers
are sick and in need of help, our compassion is first directed toward their
victims, who are in immediate need of help. After the victims are rescued,
we can try to rehabilitate the abuser.
A society based on consumerism boosts profits by preaching the doctrine of
impatience. "Don't wait; act now! Don't wait until you can afford it;
buy it now with a credit card! Why prepare for your future by working hard
for many years when you can strike it rich NOW by winning the lottery or a
casino jackpot?" Patience is out the window and instant gratification
is banging on our door. When we abandon patience, we abandon
self-discipline. A world without either is a world without Mozart, Thomas
Edison, or Tiger Woods. It is also a world without Olympic Gold Medal
winners, astronauts, professors, corner pharmacists, auto mechanics and
countless other members of industry, trade, and the arts. Can you think of
anything worthwhile that can be achieved without giving up immediate
gratification for long-term gain?
In a single day we can be faced with countless irritations: someone
tailgates you on your way to work; someone cuts in front of you while you're
waiting in line at the post office; co-workers chat and laugh loudly in the
next cubicle while you're conducting a business phone call; you're going out
with friends tonight, but they show up an hour late, or you're cooking
dinner when you're suddenly interrupted by a telemarketer. I'm sure you can
think of many other examples. So, what do we do when we encounter an endless
stream of minor irritants? Well, we can choose to become upset or we can
choose to follow the example of oysters. They use an irritating grain of
sand to create a glittering pearl. We can use our irritating experiences to
create pearls of forgiveness, pearls of compassion, and pearls of
understanding.
Learning to accept minor irritations prepares us to endure major ones. Those
who lack patience find minor irritations or suffering unbearable. However,
those who have mastered patience find great suffering tolerable. Patience
has great impact on our happiness, for how can those who are upset and
constantly complain be happy? Those who are always angry withdraw from the
world; they curse the world. But those who are patient are peacemakers who
embrace the world, bless it, and thank it for the opportunity to create
pearls.
How can we expect to have others accept our weaknesses unless we are willing
to accept theirs? Patience, then, is about respect for others. It is when we
interact with others that we come to understand ourselves. For when we act
with patience and understanding, that's what we become. And when we act with
impatience and anger, that's what we are.
How can we commit to a relationship unless we have patience? Patience binds,
heals, and supports relationships. Impatience is divisive. It severs
friendships, dissolves marriages, breaks up families, and breaks hearts. So,
patience is also about maturity. Patient people do not throw away pets and
possessions or relationships and responsibilities simply because things
aren't working out as originally expected. Patient people bring out the best
in them. Impatient people bring out the beast in
them.
You say you're not as patient as you would like to be? Not to worry, just be
patient, for patience comes to those who wait. Aren't all things difficult
before they become easy? My final words on patience are taken from the
eighteenth-century French naturalist, Georges-Louis Leclerc Buffon
(1707-1788),
"The ability to accept delay. Or disappointment. To
smile at setbacks and respond with a pleasant, understanding spirit. To
remain calm while others around are uneasy. This is Godly patience. Never
think that God's delays are God's denials. Hold on; Hold fast; Hold out.
Patience is genius."
Chuck Gallozzi is a prolific writer on Personal
Development. You can contact him at gallozzi@interlog.net.
You can read other articles by him at Personal
Development.Com
